The story is well written, but I think it needs more in the beginning to actually give us a better picture of where Vanilla is. It has a good plot to it though, and it's very descriptive, putting a very distinctive image in my mind of what is happening in any point in time. It does seem to become a wee bit odd sometimes, for instance when a Yoshi has breasts, even though they're reptiles and only mammals have breasts, hence the name 'mammary gland', but it was never at any point totally unbelievable. I think that you've done relatively well with this one, and I definitely enjoyed reading it.